The Ugly Black Girl
By Symone Martin | May 5, 2021
They view me as a creature. As a fictional character who has really ....no identity. They think of me as being too loud but really it's my words they are afraid of. My voice they feel betrayed by. My mind they feel lost behind. It's my existence that makes them cringe..not because I did something or said anything wrong, but because they wonder what I will do next. There's something about not knowing one's next move that sparks a sense of curiosity.....it captures a stiff sensation of silence that only they can endure. It's quite fascinating. Sometimes I laugh because I wonder if they believe I'm powerful enough to change their views of me...I'd like to believe I am, but honestly....who ever believes me, other than me?
They look at my face and only see the color of my skin. That's how they keep us separate. They categorize me as "the Black girl" when clearly I'm just a darker shade of brown. They notice blotches on my skin and think I have a disease. Or how about when my hair gets wet and poofs up...they think I'm mixed with poodle, or something like that. They look at my smile and notice my teeth are spaced apart and say it's because I chew on sticks, or maybe my teeth are straight and they assume they are false. Failing to realize I have gaps because it's hereditary...my teeth are straight because I wore braces. Simple minded people these days. They notice the fullness of my lips and assume I buy botox. "What's wrong with her?", they ask. I guess I'm not supposed to be different.
They compare me to some skinny girl with big breasts and say I should look like her. Her skin is lighter...her hair is smoother when wet...her eyes are lighter and the way she looks in the sun is just beyond amazing. They tell me I should look like her. They say she is the best fit for the world. But WHY? They say I am not worthy enough to exist because I'm different. My natural "flaws" don't represent beauty. My natural "beauty" doesn't fit in with the likes of society. So they expect me to change. They say my hair is too short, so I have to add some to it. And typically, I do!! They say my skin is too dark, I need to fix it. So I wear makeup. Lots & lots of makeup. They say I'm not slim enough, so I eat right. They expect me to be just like them. Seems like being different is not welcomed, but here I stand!
But when I look in the mirror. I don't just see the color of my skin. Or the frizzy hair on top of my head. But In fact I see beauty. I see sweetness. There's nothing like a beautiful black berry. The darker the berry the sweeter it tastes. I look beyond what I consider to be flaws and embrace them as beauty. When I look in the mirror, I see beauty hidden behind a shell enclosed between pain and happiness. I see hope. I see confidence... I see everything they tried to take from me. I thought I saw an ugly black girl for a while, but it took me some time to figure out that maybe it wasn't me who was ugly, but in fact it was them. Them meaning society. The place that has corrupted the minds of young girls..portraying this image of what "beauty" is supposed to look like, the place that separated women and created a great deal of jealousy. I can go on and on, but I rather not. All I will say is that I will no longer deal with the foolish entities that society has tried to place upon me. I'm far way too beautiful for that and for that reason alone I will no longer accept the ugly black girl.
Author’s Bio: Since the age of eleven, I was known as the best writer. During every award ceremony, my teacher would introduce me as the greatest writer of all time and although I felt differently, I accepted the compliment. Well here we are thirteen years later and I truly am the greatest writer of my generation. Or so I believe. Writing is my scapegoat and has truly saved my life, more than many could ever believe. Writing has listened when no one else would and never told my secrets unless I gave permission. During my time at CSUN, I’ve written blog posts and have ran a website where I share my experiences as a writer and college student. I’m about 5 years, hopefully my compliment of being the greatest writer is fulfilled.